Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
