was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
