you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize