Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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