allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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