I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
