I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize