either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
can u get pink eye on your cock?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
