i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
