You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
