i don't like sucking hair
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
