i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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