HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
