The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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