RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
