i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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