physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
