I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
