I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
