just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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