Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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