Cold hands, warm shart.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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