i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just blew my weed a kiss
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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