wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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