hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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