if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
