Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I would fuck him just for his dog
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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