so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Farmville is her only friend.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
