good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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