Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
