do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
