All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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