Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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