Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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