his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
