Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
