Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
