I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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