Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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