I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize