Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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