u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
