The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
