she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
