My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
