So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
