I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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