My friends, they love my intelligence
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize