the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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