So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
