happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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