I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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