Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
