you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
