I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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