Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
