Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
