I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
