wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
