You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he puts the penis in happiness.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
