I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
