I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
