I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
