So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
