I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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