Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
