first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
